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We’ve all been there, scrolling through Instagram, looking at someone else’s life, and feeling that nagging sense of “I should be doing more” or “I should look like that.” Comparison is a sneaky thing. It starts off as something natural, something human, but when we let it control us, it steals our focus and stops us from living with purpose.
As women, we’re often pushed into a cycle where we’re told that how we look is more important than who we are or what we can do. We’re faced with trends, images of “perfection,” and the pressure to measure up. This constant comparison makes us forget about what really matters: our passions, our strengths, and our dreams. It’s like a fog that clouds our ability to think clearly and to follow what feels right for us.
But here’s the thing: We don’t have to let comparison dictate who we are or how we live. When we stop measuring ourselves against others and start focusing on our own unique purpose, we unlock a world of potential. And that’s where the power of clarity and purpose come in.
The Cost of Comparison
It’s easy to get caught up in comparison. Whether it’s seeing someone with the “perfect” body, the “perfect” job, or the “perfect” life on social media, it can be hard not to compare yourself. But when we internalise these comparisons, it creates a battle in our minds. We start questioning who we are, what we’re doing, and whether we’re “good enough.” And that’s where the real damage happens.
When I struggled with my eating disorder, my mind was consumed by thoughts of food, exercise, and how I looked. There was no room left for anything else. I couldn’t be the friend I wanted to be, I couldn’t coach others, and I couldn’t live my life the way I truly wanted to. My brain was stuck in a comparison loop that made me feel like I was constantly behind everyone else.
The truth is, comparison isn’t just a small, annoying habit. It has a real cost. It drains our mental energy, leaving us feeling stuck, unsure, and unable to make progress. When you’re too focused on how you measure up to someone else, you lose sight of your own potential. It stops you from making decisions that are in line with your true purpose and passions.
Finding Your Own Path
So, how do we stop this cycle of comparison? The first step is to reconnect with who we really are: our values, our strengths, and our desires. This means asking yourself the hard questions: If no one else was ever going to see me, what would I do? What would I wear? How would I speak? Where would I live?
I remember when I was stuck in the cycle of following trends and constantly comparing myself to others. It was exhausting. But when I stopped and realised that my favourite look wasn’t the latest trend, it was comfy clothes, but with a leather jacket and boots (think cosy biker chic). That simple realisation made everything easier. I didn’t have to waste time deciding what to wear anymore, or spend hours online shopping curating the perfect wardrobe. I knew who I was, and that gave me the confidence to stop chasing trends.
This process doesn’t just apply to fashion. It applies to every area of your life: how you choose to live, who you spend time with, and what you put your energy into. When you understand what you truly value, it becomes easier to make decisions that align with your purpose. And when you stop measuring your success by others’ standards, you make space for the things that matter most to you.
Clearing the Mental Clutter
One of the reasons comparison has such a strong grip on us is because it feeds into something called decision fatigue. We only have so many decisions in a day, and when we spend energy on things that don’t really matter (like worrying about how we compare to others) we end up with less mental clarity for the things that do matter.
For example, when I was deep in my eating disorder, my brain was completely consumed with thoughts about my body, food, and exercise. My energy was entirely drained by the comparison to others that I couldn’t even focus on the things I really cared about. As I began to recover and clear some of that mental clutter, I found space to think about the world around me. That’s when I started noticing the societal issues I cared about, which eventually led me to the work I do now as a coach.
When you start clearing out the mental clutter, you make room for the important things in life, the things that align with your purpose. This doesn’t happen overnight, and it takes practice. But the more space you create in your mind by letting go of comparisons, the more you’re able to focus on what truly excites and motivates you. And that’s when you begin to live a life that’s aligned with your true self, not just the trends.
At the end of the day, women have so much more to offer than how we look or how others see us. If we can break free from the pressure to compare ourselves to others, we can start living with more purpose, more clarity, and more joy. By taking a step back and asking ourselves, “Is this important to who I want to be?” we can redirect our energy into the things that truly matter. We can stop chasing trends and start following what makes us feel alive.