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Have you ever felt weighed down by goals that don’t even feel like yours? Maybe you’re chasing a promotion because someone told you it’s the next logical step, or you’re trying to lose weight because society says you should. These far-off goals can feel like carrying a backpack full of bricks: heavy, exhausting, and not really yours.
I know exactly how that feels. For years, I thought if I could just fix one thing, like my self-belief, everything else would fall into place. I kept looking for “the answer” to all my problems. But I realised life doesn’t work like that. My anxious thoughts weren’t caused by one thing, they came from work stress, a rocky family relationship, and not knowing how to manage my emotions. Once I understood this, I saw that no single solution could fix everything at once.
Instead of searching for a quick fix, I started focusing on small, manageable steps. This shift felt like lifting a 10-tonne weight off my back. I gave myself permission to focus on who I wanted to be, not what I needed to have. Let me show you how powerful this way of thinking can be.
Think About What Matters Right Now
One thing I’ve noticed in my work as a coach is that many people carry around goals they don’t really care about. We’re told what we should want: a higher-paying job, a smaller body, a bigger house. And we carry these expectations without questioning them.
So, I want to ask you: what matters to you right now? Is it your health, your family, your personal growth, or maybe your freedom? Once you’ve figured out what matters most to you, you can start focusing on habits that match those priorities.
For example, if health is your focus, aim to drink more water, get enough sleep, move your body, and eat nourishing food. These are small, daily actions you can control. They also reflect the kind of person you want to be. You don’t need to chase after the “perfect” body. Instead, remind yourself: “I am someone who cares about my health.”
This shift works in any area of life. If connection is your priority, start with small actions like calling a loved one or even smiling at people on your walk. If growth is important to you, try setting aside just 10 minutes a day to read or learn something new. When you focus on daily actions, you’re no longer chasing a far-off goal. You’re living in line with what matters to you right now.
Focus on Being, Not Having
When I think about goals, I always say, “It’s about being, not having.” Let me explain what I mean.
Instead of aiming to have a million-pound business, focus on being a passionate, committed entrepreneur. Instead of trying to have the perfect social media feed, focus on being someone who explores new places, tries new things, and values culture. The actions might look the same, but the mindset shift makes all the difference.
This shift was huge for me. It wasn’t about fixing a problem anymore; it became about enjoying the process of growth. When you focus on who you’re becoming, every small step feels like progress, not a burden. And when you enjoy the process, growth comes much easier.
I’m also a fitness coach, who works with older adults who want to stay active and healthy. Many of them have spent years dieting. I’ve met women who’ve missed birthdays, family events, and social gatherings because they were obsessed with losing weight. They had long-term goals of slimming down, but those goals distracted them from the things that truly mattered to them.
I tell them: don’t let your long-term goals steal your present. Instead, focus on small, meaningful actions. Drink water, move your body, and eat in a way that nourishes you, not because you want to lose weight but because you value your health. Confidence and joy don’t come from a number on the scale; they come from how you live each day.
Reframing Resistance
When I first talk to clients about the idea of “being, not having,” they often resist. People are so used to chasing external goals, like the number on a scale or the job title, that it feels strange to focus on their values instead. But I’ve seen this shift work wonders, and the results are always worth it.
Take my 50-year-old clients, for example. When I ask them why they want to lose weight, they often say, “I want to be here for my family.” That’s an amazing goal, but it’s not really about weight. It’s about being healthy enough to enjoy life with your loved ones. Instead of fixating on the scale, they can focus on actions like getting outside, eating nourishing food, and staying active. These habits help them work toward that goal in a sustainable way.
This shift also applies to building confidence. I’ve worked with people who believe they’ll feel more confident once they lose weight. But confidence doesn’t come from having a smaller body. It comes from within. By taking small, daily steps, like dressing in a way that makes you feel good, setting boundaries, or speaking kindly to yourself, you can build confidence. When you focus on how you want to feel and act, you’ll find it much easier to show up as your best self.
Once people start taking these small steps, they often notice big changes in their energy, mood, and self-esteem. And when they experience these positive results, they don’t want to go back to chasing hollow, far-off goals.
Your future is unpredictable, life will always throw curveballs. Instead of focusing on a specific outcome, focus on the person you want to become. Take small, meaningful steps every day, and along the way, you’ll discover the breakthroughs you’re looking for.
Feeling weighed down by goals that don’t feel like yours?
That’s exactly what my UNSTUCK course is designed to do.
Ready to make a change? Join the course and start moving forward today.